Rest

I'm resting tonight and icing my sore quad.

So many thoughts about last night, but the overall feeling is positive.

All I want tonight is a solid 8 hours of sleep. C'mon, sandman!

The worst of the best, part deux

I need to get this out before I can sleep.

Here's what I know... In mid-February, I could barely stand up on skates. Toward the end of February, I could go around the rink a couple of times and that was about it. In March, I could fall over but I couldn't get up.

Tonight I wasn't the best, but when I consider where I started a few months ago, I rule. It doesn't matter if I was the best or the worst girl there. I was really good for ME. I can't compare myself to other people. I asked one of the zippy girls how long she had been skating and her answer was "Since I was 10." I'd gauge her around my age, so she's been at it for 20-25 years. And she was GREAT.

I've been skating for 4 months. And for going from completely out of shape to where I am now, I'm GREAT.

There is a really good chance I might not make the team this time around. I'm OK with that. It might not be my time and my body might not be ready.

Oh, and thanks to my great friends Jenn, Steph and Julia who talked to me after the workshop and made me feel good about myself. And Mandy Bandy who believes in me from 3000 miles away. And my boy who brought me a flower and would be proud of me no matter what.

The worst of the best

Note to self: when they ask if you have the basics down, don't raise your hand. You will be put in the advanced group and have your ass whooped by the off-broadway Starlight Express cast. Wow, there were GOOD skaters there. And lots of them.

The March try-outs had 12 skaters total and 2 really good skaters. This pre-tryout workshop had 35 people and 8 really great skaters. Like really, really good. I was blown away. I was the worst of the best. I was struggling to keep up. I was the fat girl falling behind.

But, I guess it's good that I challenged myself in the advanced group. I was EXHAUSTED at the end. The other group was practicing stops and standing around and watching. The advanced group skated in circles. And more circles. And more circles. So I was dying by the end. I was wiped.

There is good news in here. The current roller girls that were there were incredibly nice and encouraging. The Harmicist let me whip her and het me know that she wasn't in amazing shape when she started. GoodyTwoSkates pushed me around the rink when I got tired. Magnet Mad Atom told me that they want people who really want it. And I really want it.

It was a wake-up call. I have a lot of room for improvement. And I will maintain a postive attitude and NOT let this get me down. If I don't make it, there is always next time.

Thrashing

My skates have taken a beating over the past few days with my falling and sliding practice in the parking lot. I love falling on my knee pads. Freaking love it. My skates, not so much. Poor, poor skates.

I can't believe the workshop is tomorrow. I am totally freaked out. In good ways and bad. Mostly good, but I have a total stress back ache. Ugh. But it only hurts when I sit still. I'm fine when I'm skating. Thank whomever for small miracles.

10-4 good buddy

I just got in from skating in the parking lot. It's not 100% dry, but good enough for me. I was going to hit Oaks Park, but if it's nice enough to skate outside, I may as well save the drive, the 5 bucks and avoid the gajillion birthday parties. So, out to the parking lot I went...

I think the length of the lot is about 200 yards. When I first started skating out there, I would push myself to do 4 lengths of the lot. And I would be really tired and struggling on the final stretch. Today I went out there and did 10, no problem. Well, I was certainly getting my heart rate up and sweating, but I wasn't struggling.

I love seeing my hard work pay off in strength and endurance.

Happy Chachiversary!

One year ago today, we adopted this little furry bundle of joy. It's been an amazing year full of kisses and lap time and unconditional devotion. I love this little dude.

Super Rad Weight Routine

I did my new weight routine today and it was awesome. It's a combo of 24 reps of each exercise with different counts of how long to hold the weights. It was SO tough and felt really good. The push-ups and the leg-presses kicked my butt (and my arms and chest for the former).

It felt good to get back to the gym. It's been a cruddy week weather wise, and I haven't been out on my skates as much as I would have liked. But it's looking clear for Monday and the workshop is on Tuesday! Holy MOTHER! I can't wait to show them what I can do. (I don't QUITE believe that last statement, but I thought I should write it for good measure).

I heart my trainer

I had my final pre-try out session with my trainer Britt tonight.

I was telling her how worried I was about being fat and having it be liability for derby. She told me to completely own it or completely leave it behind. I can't have it lingering in the back of my mind. I need to go in as the good skater that I've become and take the "I'm scared and fat" label off my forehead. To go in there and command it like she knows I can. It really, really helped me re-frame a lot of things in my head.

She put together some tweaks for my program to get some good strength training in and some yoga. Lord knows I need to calm my mind.

I am so, so lucky to have Britt.

Is it wrong...

That I am loving being sore today? I'm mostly muscley-achy from doing the one knee slides, and my butt twinges every once is a while, but I love love love this feeling. I feel tough and I like it.

TIMBER!

Oh, my first big fall was glorious.

I put on my full pads tonight (as I will whenever I skate outside now) to practice one knee falls. Sliding on one knee is rad. I'm getting really good at sliding on my left knee and being able to get up quickly on my right leg without slowing down too much. Left side, not so much, but I can slide pretty well.

I was feelng a little bawdy, so I decided to try a double knee fall. But instead of falling forward, I took a big old fall on my ass. Specifically, the bottom right cheek and right wrist broke the fall. And it didn't kill me. I layed there for a minute and caught my breath, but aside from a bruised butt and sore hand, I'm totally fine. I got back up and did a few more single knee slides for good measure. Back on the horse, and all.

I need to take a couple of pics of the thrashing that my skates took tonight. One of the tongues is shredded and I understand the importance of duct tape on the toes now.

Falling is good, good stuff.

Kuffs are for kids

I made an interesting discovery at Oaks Park today. There is a vending machine that dispenses fur handcuffs (see exhibit A over yonder). How rad is that?

Good skate today. It was better yesterday, but I still got in a solid workout today. Much, much much less crowded. And I love skating to the Wuhrlitzer.

I'm hoping for clear weather in the mornings this week. I'm going to skate in full pads in the AM. Time to get used to that. And then work on some falls.

1 week and 2 days until the workshow. 3 weeks and 2 days until tryouts. Oh boy.

Need to remember

The first time I went to Oaks Park I could barely get around 3 times before my shins started killing me and I needed a rest.

Today I started out with a five minute skate to see how it would compare to skating outside. The derby skills test includes a 5 minute endurance skate, so I wanted to make sure I could do at least that. It was smooth. I felt great. The five minutes flew by. I ended up skating about 40 minutes total. Did 3 runs of 5 minutes and a whole bunch in between. I even dodged a kid who fell right in front of me. My reflexes are fantastic, if I do say so myself.

God, I hope I make the team. I love skating. I love the thought of being part of that group. Today was really encouraging. I can skate. I really, really can.

Deep breaths...in and out....

There is a derby workshop on May 30th pre-tryouts. That is less than 2 weeks away.

Too real. I'm excited and nervous and freaked.

At this point, I can skate. Falling over, eh. Getting up, eh. It'll come to me.

But I can't lose 100 pounds in 12 days. I guess I'll just skate my fat ass off.

Day at the beach

Vacation

3 days at the coast. No skates, but lots of walks on the beach.

The place we're staying is so amazing and still a relatively well kept secret. And so it shall stay that way.

Early morning skate

I had to get out this morning, as it is now a sizzling 95 degrees in Portland.

I noticed more this morning that when I'm skating for time (trying to do the 5 minutes endurance piece every morning) I get fatigued much easier than when I'm just winging around enjoying myself and just feeling the skates glide and enjoying the speed.

"Exercise" is totally mental for me. I think my body reacts to my mentality about the task at hand. It's like the "workout" part makes my pulse race before I even start. But fun and gliding leaves me in a nice relaxed state.

Not a huge revelation, but something I need to keep reminding myself of when I'm out there.

Why I have to go outside

My little dude needs to sniff grass. My favorite boy.

Adult onset fun

I've never had allergies before, but apparently I do now. After trying Claritin-D (which for me meant "D"amn, I need to take a 4 hour nap) and moving onto regular Claritin, I seem to be sniffly post-nasal drip, tonsil grossness free. Good times.

I've been reading and re-reading the skill requirements lately. Biggest fears: one knee falls (getting up without using hands) and the five minute endurance test. I'm going to open up each skating session outside with a 5 minute skate. I bet that sounds pretty easy, huh? Yeah, not so much. And when I get winded I seem to find every stick and rock to trip over. I can do it today with lots of heavy breathing involved. I figure in a month, on a smooth-non-rocky surface, I'll be good to go.

I'm going to practice falls in the backyard in the grass later tonight. I need to learn that I can fall and get back up and all will be well. And I'm sure I'll entertain the neighbors too.

Send thoughts of shrinkage

My tonsils are huge and I have a fever again. Please, please, please, let this only be a 24 hour thing.

I will be resting and letting your shrinkage vibes sink in...

Expanding my world

I usually stick to the parking lot across the street. I know where all the bumps and glass shards lie, and the pavement is pretty smooth. Today, during my evening skate, the second of the day I might add, I decided to explore and head around to the east side of the school.

What did I behold? A gorgeous strip of new blacktop, with nary a rock nor glass chunk. There's a gorgeous flat stretch between a couple of well placed speed bumps. I don't mind the skate boarders, but it's really quiet and totally clear over there.

And it's mine all mine! Do endorphins encourage manifest destiny? Apparently so...

Ass, Kicking of The

As promised to myself, and my legions of fans, I worked out this morning at 6am and skated tonight.

I wear a heart rate monitor when I train, and it's amazing what hard work skating is. I did an intense session of weight lifting, and my average heart rate while skating was 30 beats per minute higher. That's k-razy!

Try-outs are 5 weeks from tomorrow. Barring acts of god, I plan on being on my skates every day. And working out 5-6 times a week. I'm doing the WW Core plan, that involves eating fruits, veggies, lean meat, whole grains and low fat dairy products. Imagine that, huh? Again, k-razy!

Tennis, anyone?

The sign that says "No Skating Allowed" is relatively small. I have never seen anyone play tennis on the courts. Why let them to go waste, really?

I got in a few falls and about 20 minutes of skating before the rain started. I really need clear skies for the next 5 weeks. I'm wondering if that can be arranged. I have been really good this year.

Oh, and another cool thing happened. When I did a one knee skid my pad fell down my leg. I was concerned about my bonked knee, and I got up without even thinking about it. Usually getting up is a major issue for me, with a lot of analysis and conjecture. I did it without thinking.

Note to self: stop thinking so damn much.

And the bastards don't get me down

I had just finished diving head first into a huge bucket of chicken pad thai and was settling in for a night on the couch feeling semi-sorry for myself.

I couldn't let them in. I got up, got dressed and skated harder, faster and longer than I ever have before. I'm sweaty and tired, and the pad thai is not sitting so well right now. But dammit, I love skating and I'm going to do it no matter when anyone says.

Obstacles and a-holes

This is what I heard about myself today from a long distance acquaintance:

Nobody can believe that a girl as big as you are does roller derby! I told them how big you were, and they said that wouldn't believe it until they saw it. I told them you weren't like a circus freak or anything, but they can't believe that someone that big roller skates.

Um, OK, asshole.

I'm still trying to process this. I got a lot of support from friends (both in person and virtual), but it really hit me hard. Do they really think a "girl as big as I am" sits around in bed eating take-out and riding around town on a little goddamn scooter with my oxygen tank?

I don't even know what to say about this, but I know what to do about it. Prove those asshole doubters wrong. I am officially skating for every fat girl who has been afraid to try something because of her weight or has felt like a circus freak.

In the immortal words of my Grandma Peg, "They don't like it? Fuck 'em".

I'm back

I just got in from skating. I know try-outs are coming so I'm back and ready to fight for it.

Talked to my trainer today, and I'm ready to put it all on the line for the next couple of months. I will be on my skates before and after work. I must do this for myself.

Finally...

I went back to my doc today and got an all clear for exercise. Phew.

I am so relieved. There was a chance of walking pnenumonia or turning into bronchitis, but I'm free! Free free free!

Back to the gym tomorrow. I've actually missed it.

My trainer told me to put the last month behind me. I am beyong willing to do that.

Oh, and I also learned at the doc today that I am a very healthy fat girl. All of my numbers (glucose, cholesterol, etc.) are within a very healthy range. So, we'll focus on healthy and the weight will happen. Love the new doc. She's anti-diet and pro-me. Love it.