Hot date and hair cuts

Yep, there's my hot date. Darling, wonderful, so much like me it's scary Jenn and I went to Bishops for the best haircuts ever. Jenn has been a huge supporter of me doing derby. She's the kind of person who can take on the world and makes me feel that way too. I'm a lucky girl to meet someone who makes me feel like the best version of me. She totally gets it.

Back to the haircut... Nikki on Alberta is where it's at, y'all. I found my hair cutter for life. Nikki is friends with derby people. She's born to be a derby girl. You can see it in her eyes.

It was fun to have the hair cuttery to ourselves so we could shout curse words and Jenn could take 44 pictures including a really nice one of her really nice boobs. We went to dinner after, now it's late and I have to go to the chiro early in the AM. Oh, and I got to meet Jenn's boyfriend. Very nice and cute, just like her. Good times. ahem.

Slightly sidelined and chiropractic love

I am the first to admit that I am uncoordinated at times. Today at the gym, I was walking along minding my own business and I slipped off the side of the belt. On all of the other treadmills there is about 2 inches at either side of the moving belt that I know to normally avoid. But on this one the best was moved all the way to the left, leaving a 4 inch danger strip on the right side. About 20 minutes in, I stepped on the danger zone and performed a great standing stunt. A little two step with a hop and a flip, you might say. I managed to stay upright by grabbing the bars and totally wrenching my lower back. I've tweaked my back before, but this was a big one.

I managed to get to into the chiropractor at 11am. I love, love, love my chiro. Turns out I threw my sacroiliac joint (see image above) and pulled my glute muscle on my right side. Yes, I broke my butt. I got some heat, some ice, and after 4 minor adjustments (read: small woman pushes hard on my back and the table goes "kaPLUNK") I felt awesome. She did a minor massage and then an ultrasound. I walked out feeling completely mended.

I didn't mention the derby thing to her during our small talk. I have a feeling she'll be seeing a lot more of me eventually.

My workouts have been hampered for the week. No lifting weights and only light cardio as I see fit. Britt and I have it worked out. I'll just start week 2 of my plan after this week of healing. Little bump, no biggie.

Hallelujah, the girl can skate!

My skating was delayed until today, but Anth and I hit Oaks Park earlier this afternoon. After some wobbling and thinking too much about what I was doing, I stopped thinking about it and did some dang confident skating. I was totally feeing 8 again. It was amazing. I started forgetting that I had skates on and was just kind of living on them. This is such a good start.

And with the good, comes the bad. I am so out of shape. I could only get a few laps in before my legs started shaking and my shins were burning. Anthony and I both noticed that we were using muscles that have not been used in a long, long time. My morning cardio workouts are beyond necessary.

The day also involved a slushee, a corn dog, and Anthony successfully shooting the duck once.

My littlest fan

Ah, the love of my life. Well, the canine love of my life at least. He will be the boy who gives me kisses no matter my mood or how crappy my workout was. He'll think I'm the coolest skater in the world even if I can barely stand up. I brought home his Slamazon shirt and pulled it out, and he jumped around until I put it on. His name is Chachi and he's the best ten pound furry friend that a girl could have.

I'm going to skate tomorrow. I think I'm going to bring my friend Julia with me. I adore her because she's as tiny as I am big. And she laughs at all my jokes. She won't be able to pick me up when I fall over, but I know that she'll laugh her ass off with me the whole time. I heart Julia.

My workout this morning was comical. 1.5% uphill incline and 1.4 miles an hour on a treadmill. If you've ever been on treadmill, you'll understand how sloooooooow that is. Imagine yourself walking through pudding. That's how slow I was going. It was challenging in an "Oh my god, how do I keep my heart rate this low?" kind of way.

I'm excited and scared to get on skates tomorrow. My goal is to have fun. I don't have to be a champ, I just want to laugh a lot.

Pin me

Oooh, my super cute Slamazon mini-buttons arrived today. So f'ing rad. I've been semi-trying to keep this endeavor on the downlow. Mostly because of my fear of failure. When I tell people, it becomes real and the pressure to follow through increases. But I'm doing this for me, so I'll try to let that go. It's OK if people know that I have a goal.

Everyone has been super supportive and excited. I think the scariest part is the mystery of HOW I'll get on a roller derby team. I'm not sure if the who try-out thing has been put in place yet for the Rose City Rollers. Or if they'll even have try-outs. I have months and months before that happens so I'm trying not to stress out too much.

My second weights workout today was really good. I was still sore, but I'm feeling stronger already. Thank you, dear body, for bouncing back with me. Tomorrow I have the uphill hike while I keep my heart rate VERY low. I think it will be amusing. I'll be practically crawling at a slight incline.

Oh, happy side note. Anth's band, Parks and Recreation, was the spin.com band of the day last week. You can listen to some music at their myspace page. I know I'm biased, but the record is fabulous and they are the sweetest group of boys.

Reaching for the st...ow, my f'ing arm!

Dang, my trainer really does not want me reaching above my head for anything. Seriously cannot lift my arms today. It hurt to use my damn mouse at work. And typing right now kind of hurts. Oh, and then I fell on the floor with that leg cramp. Only 3 or 4 people were around to see it. Luckily, my coworkers are the cool kind who point and laugh.

I was wondering today if I breached some sort of roller derby rule by naming myself Slamazon. Is there some sort of secret naming ceremony that they do after they knock you down and kick you in the face with their skates? Will I be mocked for giving myself a name before I can skate? Will another Slamazon pop up somewhere and usurp my brand recognition? These things keep me awake at night. Along with the leg cramps.

Want to be a Slamazon, or just look like one?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you too can join my roller derby fantasy! Slamazon merch is available from Cafepress. See that logo over there? You can wear that on your chest or head or dog or baby!

I didn't mark any of the crap up to make money. From me to my darling fans, at CP cost! Special, isn't it? Yes, I love you all. Truly and deeply. All 3 of you that read this.

So many thanks to my homeboy Joe for putting this together. How rad is that logo? Seriously? You should check out his band too -- Flies That Fight. The song that Joe sings is my fave. I must admit I am biased. Joe rocks.

I had my first day of weight training at the gym today. I did 2 sets of 25 push-ups. Granted, I wasn't quite in the prone position (thank you to the waist high bar that support my push-ups and the AM emptiness of my gym). I couldn't reach my head in the shower to wash my hair with my jello arms post-workout, so something worked.

I'm picturing being out on the derby track the whole time I'm working out. It really helps when you feel like your arms are going to fall off.

Sickness death spiral

Anth and I have been passing a cold back and forth for weeks. I really, really thought I was in the clear. And today I'm back to sniffling and a low grade fever. But it's been great spending the day listen to him sing the Olympic theme in his chicken voice. Ah, true love is grand. And props to the boy for the pairs skating reference in the title.

I still managed to get to the gym today. Luckily the first day of my official workout plan was very easy. I'm training using heart rate zones and was in "zone one" for a half an hour today. I won't get into specifics of what "zone one" means, but let's say that the 80 year old darling lady next to me was going at a much greater clip.

My plan for the first month is to stick to the treadmill for my cardio work. I have the option to skate as well, but I don't think that will be viable for the first month. I'll be in the gym five days a week and at Oaks Park on weekends.

Oh, my rad friend Joe is working on a Slamazon logo. I've seen the comps, and it looks really, really good. It should be ready for public consumption in the next few days.

On the losing weight front, I'm doing Weight Watchers. It's totally sane and relatively easy, and I do it online so I don't have to sit through meetings. Fruits and vegetables are my new friends.

Never trust a big butt and a smile

I'm a pretty sweet girl. I like to make people laugh and really don't dig on conflict. I have a semi-caustic sense of humor, but I'm usually a glass half full person.

I remembered this morning a feeling I used to get on the basketball court. I was a hell of a rebounder. I loved the feeling of grabbing a rebound and fighting another girl for it. If we hit the ground, even better. When the ref called it off, I loved standing there with my ponytail all messed up, breathing hard and feeling the fight. And knowing that I threw a really nice, yet subtle elbow, somewhere in the fracas. But I was always smiling and nice, so I could throw elbows the entire game and never fouled out my entire career.

That's a feeling I want to get again with roller derby.

I ch-ch-chose this

One of my favorite Simpsons episodes involved Lisa giving Ralph Wiggum a valentine. The little train engine on the cover said "I choo-choo-choose you". Later in the episode, at the Krusty television bash, Lisa broke the news to Ralph that he is not the man for her. It was possible to pinpoint the moment that Ralph's heart broke.

Today, as I attemped a sad push-up while my trainer watched, I think my heart broke just a little. I doubted myself, and my ability to do this, for the first time.

I have SO far to go to get in shape to be in the roller derby. I'm not really upset that I've "let things go" this far. I'm more intimidated by how much work I have ahead to me to get back in shape AND learn how to skate.

Then again, I've never wanted something like this before. I sat at the derby and knew it was for me. It's what I need in my life right now. I'll keep that in mind as I suffer through my hours at the gym.

And Britt, if you're reading this, I'm going to be fine. Really. Even with the push-ups.

Saying goodbye to my favorite deadly sin

Tomorrow ends a fine run of sloth. But I can say I'm happy to be done with doing nothing. Feeling this cruddy in your body because you don't take care of it is so overrated.

I meet with Britt tomorrow to get "the plan". I'll be sharing the details, and not whining too much, as I get into the routine.

I'm hopeful that my body will be willing to turn back into some form of my formerly athletic self.

Random Side Note: Doin' it Bunny Style

I bought a watch today that amuses me to no end. My favorite work-Canadian got it for his girl for Valentines Day. I acquired permission to bite her style and I am now the proud owner of a Swatch Bunny Sutra watch. 6 pairs of bunnies doing it in blues and pinks. If you tap on the face of the watch, the hands meet at high noon and randomly select a position for you. This is endless hours of amusement for me.

Fat Girls Need Protection Too

Apparently, my fat should be able to protect me from all of my falls. I bought some ProTec elbow and knee pads in size large last weekend at a local sporting good store. No dice. Well, if I needed my ankles and knuckles padded, they would work really well.

I finally found some XL for sale at Skates on Haight. They arrived today and even though my circulation is not completely cut off, I do feel like I'm wearing blood pressure cuffs on my knees and elbows. I'm sure the tingly sensation will turn to slightly numb eventually. Awesome.

Until the weather gets better I'll probably be sticking to the Oaks Park rink anyway, so the pads won't be completely necessary. And as the fat is replaced with streamlined skating muscle in the coming months, I'm sure the XLs will slide right on without huffing, puffing, coaxing, and the Astroglide.

Fly Boy and Roller Girl

When my brother was a young boy, he used to run around the house with his matchbox car-like airplanes and yell "I'm going to be a pilot!" And so it was. Pilots license at 18, ROTC to Notre Dame for the Air Force, into flight school soon after, now flying F-whatevers over secret locations.

When I was a young girl, I spent hours roller skating in circles around my basement. I had the best skating outfit. It was a red leotard with diagonal rainbow stripes and a red wraparound skirt. My skates were white with red stripes and red wheels. My Donny and Marie record player played the 2 record Grease soundtrack for hours on end. And I skated.

So, I'm going to say it out loud for my 8 year old self here and now "I'm going to be a Roller Derby Girl!"

Yes, my friends, I will be a roller girl. It's not maybe. It just is.

I went to the season opener for the Rose City Rollers. From the first moment, I knew I had to be out there. I will do whatever it takes.

I have my skates. I have my protective gear. I have a trainer.

Oh, yes, one more thing. I don't want this to be a weight loss blog, but I do need to drop over 100 pounds to be where I want to be. So I'm sure I'll mention it from time to time, but I don't want it to be the focus of this story. It will be lovely side-effect of busting my ass.

This first entry is picture free, but my lovely significant other Anthony gifted me with a rad digital camera today, so this story will be told in pictures as well when I figure it out. Anth is a photographer, so I've become increasingly inept with cameras over the past 10 years of our courtship. But I made him promise to let me figure out the camera myself. So be ready for some, um, interesting pictures.

Oh, and the name Slamazon. I'm 6'4" with my skates on. And I'm not a small girl. So when I finally get out on that track I will be known as Slamazon.