And some good news

Good times on the physical therapy front today. I have even more strength exercises to do, and I'm allowed to go back to the gym! I'll be the girl with all of the leg machines with the 0-5 pound setting and doing 5 minutes on the elliptical but baby, I'm back.

It's a long haul from here, but I am so encouraged that I'm healing up so well. My alignment in my pelvis was back to normal today (yes, I'm a good girl and did all of the stretches assigned). I'm still having lower back spasms, but they're more awkward than painful at this point.

I have to remember my limits and stop activity when I start hurting. I am so damn happy with my progress, considering 2 weeks ago I was pretty much convinced that the pain would never go away. I feel so fortunate that my back is getting happier daily.

Potential

I read a bunch of other blogs, but my recent obsession is with the blog of Fist Candy and her husband Mr. Candy (Katie and Kevin, respectively, if you like proper names and all).

These guys climb mountains. Fist Candy goes to a few derby practices a week and for 10 mile runs regularly. Well, at least when she's not climbing mountains. When I think of climbing a mountain, it seems like it would be the most monumental thing I would do, ever, and I would not neccessarily expect to survive. From what I can gather, they do things like this regularly and, oddly enough, seem to enjoy it. A lot.

This is what bodies can do. I have so much potential in this currently, and unfortunately, sedentary body. In my limited exposure to Fist Candy, she doesn't have any obvious bionic parts. This is just what she does with her bones and her muscles and her mind.

I don't know if I'll ever climb a mountain, but when everything in my back and butt is in proper working order, I'm going to start realizing this potential. Wasting it is just wrong.

I'll give myself a 3

Before the pre-tryout workshop, I would have ranked myself about a 5 (this is all out of 10) as skater. After the workshop, I bumped myself down to a 3 in comparison to the other girls.

Now that my endurance will be pretty much gonzo when I start back, I think I'll be in the 1.5 - 2 range. Bear in mind, I am basing this mostly on speed and endurance. If anyone reading has endurance building tips I'd love to hear them.

I think I'll excel when I actually get into scrimmaging in seeing the floor and anticipating other people's moves. I've played basketball for most of my life, and over the years learned to get into the heads of the other team and my own teammates. I look forward to watching and knowing the game well enough to be able to really "see" the track.

Understandably, there is a certain amount of unpredictability in every sport, but there are always patterns. Teams will always run plays. There will always be a way to shut those plays down or at least make them more difficult to execute. There are ways to build a level of unpredictabilty into your own team.

I was never the best or fastest player on the court, but I played smart and always saw what was happening around me. I just need to learn how to skate while looking behind me and getting hit and using my brain at the same time. This is going to be very interesting.

Naked Lady Derby

Last night I was an lucky guest at a derby naked lady party. It was a last minute invite, so I didn't have much time to gather my wares (fat girls have TONS of extra clothes in sizes ranging from teeny tiny "someday" clothes to you current size, whatever that may be).

I ended up giving the stuff I brought to Vivienne. I thought of her when I was picking it out anyway. And I had found her a nice (new) pair of ruffled underpants that I know she has been looking for.

The more time I spend with these girls, the more I want to be part of roller derby. It is such a diverse group with different backgrounds, careers, life styles, but they all have this mutual derby respect that is amazing.

I know I'll be out skating with them someday. I'm trying to be realistic about the time frame and what's needs to happen to get my body back in working order. But nights like last night remind me that is it worth the wait and the work.

Improvement and potential (short) hiatus

I had my second physical therapy appointment today, and I showed marked improvement. I have graduated to butt massages and am allowed to do squats. Yahoo! I'm still limited to pool cardio, but I'm so happy to start strength training, even if it's just some teeny squats.

My pops is in town from New York to help me with some home improvements. As I will be outnumbered 2 to 1 by men with crowbars this week, I may be busy fetching ice and beer for them as I laze in the backyard and watch them build me a deck.

Audible sigh...

The first practice for the new Rose City Rollers Fresh Meat team is tonight. Somehow the world of derby is moving on without me, as I sit here on my sore ass wishing I was somewhere else.

Lots of unfortunate and uneccesary myspace voyeurism on my part of "see you at practice tonight" messages and such. Bad times, I say.

I really thought my life would be very different this summer. I was ready to throw myself wholly and completely into the derby, practicing, training outside of practice, and getting totally involved with the league. I'm just a smidge lost, if I do say so myself.

I'd like to congratulate myself, however, for the most self-pitying pathetic post thus far.

Go me.

The good and the bad of muscle memory

For a long time, muscle memory has been my good friend. I've been able to bring back my formally athletic self in a variety of incarnations over the years. My muscles are more than happy to pop back into shape and repeat strength training and cardio exercises under however many pounds of fat I am currently carrying.

With my fall, I've learned the different side of muscle memory in physical therapy. Every time I hit a chair, bed, couch, my ass reacts like I'm hitting the pavement again. The result is an excrutiating clench of my muscles that makes me say a long string of bad, bad words. Standing up with these tightened muscles is not a treat either. I've been given a litany of stretches to help my booty relax.

I want to get back on skates to badly. I've realized that I look longingly at the parking lot of my fall every time I drive by. I felt some pangs yesterday when I thought of girls going to endurance practice. Granted, it would have almost killed me, but dammit, I would have loved every minute of it. Well, if not loved, certainly appreciated being there and being a part of it.

Yep, I need to keep my chin up. This is going to be a long road.

I swear, I can swim!

I grew up in the water. I spent every waking minute of the summer from about age 5 to age 13 in our above ground pool in our backyard. I'm just about as comfortable in water as I am on land.

Since it's the only activity I can do with my injury, I hauled my lycra clad ass down to Dishman Pool today. It's really a lovely facility, with 6 lanes for lap swim and a big whirlpool.

I'm supposed to just swim with a kickboard so I don't contort my torso too much. If you've ever swam with a kickboard, it's pretty slowgoing. I saw the life guard (read: 16 year old girl) watching me out of the corner of her eye. When I got near her, she said "Are you going to be OK? Do you think maybe you should come in for lessons first?" Okey dokey.

It's amazing how quickly people rethink their statements when you mention the words "fractured" and "back". I knew she meant well, but I think I was frustrated that I wasn't my usually good swimmer self and may have looked like I was struggling when a back spasm would cause me to go fetal position.

Anyway, the swiming felt great. Not much pain except for the few spasms and climbing in and out. I got to spend about 10 minutes in the whirlpool too which felt amazing. I'm just very happy that I'm back to doing something. This laying on the couch thing has not been good for me.

PT and PBR

PT = Physical Therapy. I went for my first appoinment yesterday. Lots of poking and prodding and measuring. My pelvis is twisted. The left hand side is about 2 inches farther forward than the right hand side. This is where most of the pain is coming from. The muscles are reacting to the trauma and tightening up, and the ligaments have endured a whole bunch of damage. I did have the pleasure of having warm gel and a 20 minute ultrasound on my butt. I've had so many people poking at it in the past couple of weeks, that I no longer have qualms about exposing the booty to my docs.

There is good news in here, I promise. I have been released to start swimming. I'll have to take it easy at first and use a kickboard to keep myself aligned, but at least I can start doing something. Weight bearing exercises are a no-no (walking included) so I'm pretty limited for now. I also have stretches that I'll do every day to get my butt muscles moving again.

PBR = Tall boys of pabst blue ribbon at happy hour with the rad derby girl, Vivienne Hell. I don't think she meant to hurt me, but I was laughing for 2.5 hours and it kind of hurt my butt. It was worth it. I love, love, love hanging out with her. She has the best stories and is totally expressive in the telling. I wish I could start skating with her, but I suppose I'll just have to settle with drinking with her for now. And that's just as fun.

Moments of Nancy Kerrigan

On this day, I am happy for my new friends who made the roller derby Fresh Meat team.

Megan, I am truly happy for you. From secret reader to good friend, you will be an amazing addition to the league.

I must admit, I did a little "Why me?"-ing today. My friends are moving forward as I feel like I'm stagnating, and frankly falling backwards (well, literally and figuratively, I suppose). I already feel how a lack of exercise is effecting my body and my mood. I'm mushier than usual and less energetic. This constant pain is really draining. I have moments where I can forget that I'm injured, then I stand up and almost scream because the pain is so shocking and intense.

My friend Stephanie told me to say "thank you" for something about this experience. I was having a hard time coming up with something, but realized that I am very thankful for the medical resources that I have available. I can see doctors, chiropractors and get physical therapy using my insurance, and I have enough money to pay for extras like massage. I'm very fortunate to have all of this available to me.

Plus, feeling sorry for myself isn't going to lead to faster healing. Positive thinking, baby. That's where it's at.

Barrel of monkeys

I swear I'll write about try outs. But now I just want to enjoy my first tear/cry free day because of the pain and bask in the glow of meds. phew....

Does the crying part make me a big wuss?

My big ass + sitting on broken bone - pain medicine of any kind = cry baby.

My big ass + sitting on broken bone + pain meds = more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Broke Ass (literally) and Improved Outlook

So, I have a confirmed fracture in my sacrum. But along with this confirmation, I also got pain meds and a referral for physical therapy. I'm so happy that I'll have professionals tracking my progress and recommending exercise and such. I really dig my primary doc. She's very thorough and thoughtful about treatment. She didn't want to subject me to a bunch of x-rays and MRIs until the PTs had a look at me.

I went and watched try outs tonight. There were a lot of really talented girls. I have a bunch of pics and I'll write more tomorrow, since I'm pooped and I think my happy, happy meds are kicking in. Yeeeehaw...

Bad news, part 2

Oy, I'm not dealing well with this. I am so upset that I can't tryout tomorrow. I was so hopeful that I'd be healing up this week and ready to go tomorrow.

I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. Dealing with not being able to tryout tomorrow plus the physical limitations for the next month or more is totally bumming me out.

I was just so ready to go. To hopefully make the team. To get my ass kicked at Sunday endurance practices. To start learning the intricacies of the game. To start living it.

This really, truly sucks right now.

Bad news

I'm out of commission for at least 4-6 weeks. The pain in my tailbone has been getting worse, not better, over the past week. Now that the swelling is down, it looks like I did damage to the ligaments surrounding my coccyx. If I took another fall, because the surrounding infrastructure is damaged, there is a good chance I would break something.

I am stunningly disappointed that I can't tryout tomorrow, but I'm trying really hard to accept it. Like I have another choice... It's not my time, and that's just how it is. After my back heals up, I will take the time to get faster and stronger that I am now. I can't give up on this.

I just love the derby so much. Being out in the middle of the track on Saturday gave me a taste of something that I know I am passionate about and I will not give up on. No way.

A bout last night

Get it? There was a derby bout last night and it's also a reference to the 80s movie that I thought was the dirtiest thing I had ever seen and would ever see? Cut me some slack, I have a broken ass.

So, anyway, watching the bout from the middle of the track is in the top 10 of my favorite things I have done/seen in my life. I was keeping tally of the penalties for the 3 refs watching my assigned team.

It was a rough bout last night. They stopped the play four times for injuries. It's really hard seeing girls go down and not get up quickly. They have so much heart, and I hope that they all recover quickly and get back on the track.

The game has gotten much more agressive since I saw my first bout. Lots of blocking and girls being taken off the track. I know the crowd loves the falls, but I love watching the strategy and the great blockers and the pivots controlling the pace. It so much more than just girls in skirts. It's a smart and tough game, played by smart and tough girls.

Oh, and hi Megan. Thanks for hanging out with me last night.

Me, a ref?

Exciting news! I'm going to be a penalty ref at the derby tomorrow. I'll get to wear fishnets and carry a clipboard and watch the bout from the middle of the floor! I'll be inside the dang track. This is going to be so cool.

I got an email on Thursday morning asking me to be a line ref. Turns out I'm going to keep track of penalties. After four minor penalties, they get a major and have to go to the penalty box. I went tonight while they were setting up to get up a grip on what I'll have to do tomorrow. I am thrilled and honored to get to participate in this way. Fun fun FUN!

The only thing that matters

I've been telling pretty much anybody that will listen that I'm trying out for roller derby. Some people are confused, some look at my like I'm nuts, and the rare breed jumps on the Slamazon train and becomes a great source of support and inspiration. Some of my best advice came from one of the dudes in the picture over there. I'm 5'11" and not a small girl. He makes me feel like a petite little thing. He's a big hunk of man meat, that might make you want to think twice about passing him in a dark alley. He's a total sweetheart, but don't tell anybody I said that.

So, in that picture, you'll see a guy on his knees. That's my guy. In this type of fighting, when you take a blow to the leg, it renders you "wounded" and you must fight from your knees. I don't claim to know much about this type of battle, but I know that they are hitting each other with bundles of rattan, that he described as somewhere between wood and lead pipe. It's rough enough to put dents in the metal that they're wearing.

Well, my source of inspriration won that fight. He beat that dude from his damn knees. The photo arrived attached to the following email:

The only thing that matters is tenacity. Everything else is just noise.

Coccyx shock and AzzPadz

Holy mother. When I sat up this morning in bed, the pain in my lower back was excrutiating. It shot all the way up to my neck.

I made a call to my chiro as soon as their office opened and managed to swing an appointment. After I got to work, the pain was too bad to wait until 11:30, so I headed over to urgent care. I was poked mightily and sent for x-rays.

I am the proud owner of a badly bruised and chipped tailbone. And permission to roller skate after a few days of rest. Well, reluctantly given permission with a head shake and a look of disbelief.

The chiro was a fabulous experience as usual. Besides the bruising, I also compressed and obviously jolted all the way up my spine. Ouch. We started off with a round of electrical currents to my upper and lower butt region, layered with a pad of ice. After that, I had a couple of adjustments and I'm feeling less pain. I was also given permission to take a whole lotta ibuprofen, icing instructions and some good stretches. She was also very cool about my skating. Realistic about my desire to do it, and asking me to hold off a couple of days before I get back out there. She's a great lady.

Oh, yes, the azzpadz. I will have this delivered to me tomorrow. I know, I know, beyond dorky bit I will feel so much better with it on. AZZPADZ, loud and proud.

The (not so) uneventful skate

So, I head out for a little skate after my post for the evening, thinking I'll have an uneventful session. Yeah, not so much.

Event 1: One of the things we have to do at derby try-outs is a "start". There is this rad running start on your toe stops that all the cool kids do. I make the brilliant decision that this is a good idea for beginners. About 4 steps in, my feet go out from under me and I land hard on my ass and hands. I think my favorite part of the fall was my "Oooooh, fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" as I went down. I knew it was coming. This was a "lay on the pavement and pray to baby jesus that nothing is broken" type of fall, my friends. My hands are literally bruised. I am ever so thankful for my fat ass that may have saved my tail bone from a worse fate then the general throb I have going on now.

Event 2: One of the skater boys came down to check on me. You know how you can be totally fine until someone asks and then you choke up a bit? Yeah, that's me. But I wiped away the tear in a fake sweat wipe. He was very sweet and asked me how long I had been skating and such. So, nice fella.

Event 3: After getting back on the horse a bit and practicing some one knee slides, I head back toward my house. As I was cruising along the slight decline, I turned around to thank the guy who had inquired about my well being. My skate caught a rock, and I went down on my knees, then my boobs (thanks for the padding, girls) then my helmet. It must have been a pretty hilarious sight, but the boys were kind enough not to laugh and point. And I thanked them for that.

I'm not bragging, but...

I have really rad supportive amazing friends. I'd like to provide a sample of how lucky I am.

After noting my fear of the Sunday endurance practice, I got this note from Jenn (you know the one over there giving me the eye):

********
i think you can so do this. in fact, i know you can.

why? cause its in your heart. its not only a goal. its not only whats driving you. its not only that you have 'skate' tattooed on your body.

its that this is part of YOU. this will be hard, but it will be fun. you will feel it from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. you will LIVE every moment that you are out there.

you rock lady. you got this. SO no problem.
*******
Seriously, how lucky am I? Much love to Jenn and the myriad of lovelies that support me daily.

no no no NO NO!

I refuse to get sick. I refuse to acknowledge that my throat hurts and that I'm totally exhausted. And that I'm slighty sniffy, feverish and headachy.

I'm giving myself a night of rest. I went for a nice walk my my friend and our dogs, but I'm going to take it easy.

I hate taking a night off right now, but I must. I can't get sick. I didn't go to LA for work so I wouldn't get sick right before try-outs.

I'm not much for begging, but please please please send me "Slamazon is not sick" vibes. Thank you in advance.

Skate and/or die

I went to Oaks Park today to skate and watch the derby endurance practice. I was feeling pretty good, cruising along. Vivienne Hell showed up and skated with me, along with another girl who's trying out, Megan.

Then I started watching the practice. For the love of all that is good and holy, those girls are in good shape. So fast, such endurance.

When I go to my first practice, I will either a) die or b) become a she-woman and/or supermodel. I will be in the best shape of my life. That being said, I have a long way to go before I could even think about making it through that practice. I would work my ass off to get there though. Along with practices 3 times a week, I am totally ready to still get up every morning and work out.

And once again, every girl I talked to was super friendly and very welcoming. I might sleep with my skates under my pillow tonight and wish really hard to become a derby girl.

Derbyriffic day

Oh, Ms. Hell, how lovely it was to skate with you today. It's so rad when someone you meet online is so easy to talk to in person and you can yammer for hours. And how seriously cute is her car? She's not so bad either... :)

We had a great skate and it's much more fun in the parking lot with someone to talk to. She offered lots of derby advice and showed me some good getting up post-fall tips. Such a doll, really. I am so lucky that she found my blog.

Tonight I went to a volunteer meeting for the bout next weekend. I'll be monitoring the crowd for alcohol violations and such. That also means that I'll be able to watch the bout. I got to talk to the captain of the Betties tonight. She is so committed to roller derby and has been there since the beginning. Every time I talk to someone like that I want it even more, if that is humanly possible.

I'm going to watch the all derby practice at Oaks Park tomorrow. It's an endurance practice and I really want to see what they are put through. It sounds brutal, but will hopefully soon be a reality for me.

Skate Date

I will not be the lone skater in the parking lot tomorrow. Weather permitting, Vivienne Hell (the afore mentioned perfect stranger who read my blog and send me the lovely email) will be joining me for a skate.

I'm really excited to talk to her about derby and get some tips on my skating. And I think she'll be cool to hang out with in general.

The Kindness of Strangers

I usually check the stats for my blog a couple of times a week. I looked this morning, and noticed that someone spent about 40 minutes on my blog at 4:00 AM.

Around noon today I got an ever so encouraging message from one of the Rose City Rollers who was my 4:00 AM reader. She took the time to compose an email that was full of advice and kind words. She offered to answer any questions or go for a skate with me. I actually teared up a little. It was such a generous and sweet gesture.

And today my trainer told me that I am her new story for people who are afraid to try something. I am honored.

I am so fortunate to have such good people in my life and new ones arriving. It puts a huge smile on my face.