argh
I'm really trying to stay positive about getting better. Really, I am. But I've had a whole lot of moments the past couple of days that I've just felt like shit. WARNING: A lot of whining coming up.
I started off with physical therapy yesterday morning at 7:30am. There was good news. My knee was straightening to neutral. This is a big deal. It wasn't even coming close on Friday. But then they hooked me up to the electric charlie horse machine. I've never been so tired from just sitting there. Well, I did get my quads shocked into charlie horse mode once a minute for 15 minutes. I really should have come home, called in sick, and gone back to bed after that.
I went to the Rose City Roller merch sale last night. I did get a great zip-up hoodie. And I can't stand for very long, even with my crutch, without getting tired and my hip getting achy. It's hard going to Fresh Meat practice and seeing all of the new girls so excited and improving all the time. I just wish that was me.
And today - if ONE more person told me that I would be crazy to skate again, I was going to put a crutch where they didn't want it. I mean, there are people who genuinely know me and worry about my well being. I appreciate their concern. But the other ones... don't they think that I'm thinking about that every day? That I'm already freaking out about getting better and compounding that with worrying about injuring myself again? That I think about getting back on skates and doing what I love again every minute of the day? That I wonder if I'll ever really be good at skating anyway and wonder if it's too risky to find out? That by the time I get back on skates that it'll take me a year or more to get to where I need to be? That I doubt what my body can handle half of the time anyway, and if I'm going to continue to ignore the fact that I've sustained 2 serious injuries over the past 6 months? That it may be true that my body and the freaking universe are trying to tell me something?
Oh, and for the record... I'm ignoring the nay-sayers. I'll be back on my damn skates as soon as my doctor tells me it's a go.
I started off with physical therapy yesterday morning at 7:30am. There was good news. My knee was straightening to neutral. This is a big deal. It wasn't even coming close on Friday. But then they hooked me up to the electric charlie horse machine. I've never been so tired from just sitting there. Well, I did get my quads shocked into charlie horse mode once a minute for 15 minutes. I really should have come home, called in sick, and gone back to bed after that.
I went to the Rose City Roller merch sale last night. I did get a great zip-up hoodie. And I can't stand for very long, even with my crutch, without getting tired and my hip getting achy. It's hard going to Fresh Meat practice and seeing all of the new girls so excited and improving all the time. I just wish that was me.
And today - if ONE more person told me that I would be crazy to skate again, I was going to put a crutch where they didn't want it. I mean, there are people who genuinely know me and worry about my well being. I appreciate their concern. But the other ones... don't they think that I'm thinking about that every day? That I'm already freaking out about getting better and compounding that with worrying about injuring myself again? That I think about getting back on skates and doing what I love again every minute of the day? That I wonder if I'll ever really be good at skating anyway and wonder if it's too risky to find out? That by the time I get back on skates that it'll take me a year or more to get to where I need to be? That I doubt what my body can handle half of the time anyway, and if I'm going to continue to ignore the fact that I've sustained 2 serious injuries over the past 6 months? That it may be true that my body and the freaking universe are trying to tell me something?
Oh, and for the record... I'm ignoring the nay-sayers. I'll be back on my damn skates as soon as my doctor tells me it's a go.
posted by Kate at 7:55 PM
2 Comments:
That's right.
Don't let "the man" bring you down!
Remember... nobody's the boss of your body, 'cept you! (and me, but that's a different story)...
I couldn't have put it better myself. I too have been wondering if my body will ever adjust to this sport, and my chiro says no. I'm impatiently waiting for a hopefully better response from my PT. It's so frustrating being in restraints.
Then I trip on feeling like I've isolated myself from the group, and like some would be much happier if I'd just go away. It's hard to keep your chin up, and I so have been wondering what the hell am I doing? But I love it, and I don't want to leave. I know what I'm capable of. I just need to be patient.
Reading your blogs is really helping me. Because I truly truly relate, and it's been really hard to do this thing, but yes, worth it. I love it, and that's why I keep on trying.
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