I heart my new pads

How I love my new Pro-Designed knee and elbow pads. Lovingly sewn by Wild Bill. So cushy and delightful. And hot dog, they fit! I can move, I can bend, I can get blood to my extremities.

I have to send a nice thank you note to Bill for making me feel human. I totally dig that dude. He's my hero.

You might ask, if you love your pads so much, why don't you marry them? You know, if it was legal in Oregon to marry inamimate objects, I just might.