Trying to maintain

I went to my first endurance practice tonight and I didn't participate in almost all of the drills. It was a mix of didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, but mostly "avoiding hurting myself or others".

The first drill was done in two lines, big girls in the back. In a tight pack, I would have been the first one to be passed up the line without skating, just with whips and pushes. I'll be honest, I was afraid of hurting myself or someone else. I couldn't keep up AND I'm not good at giving or recieving whips and pushes yet.

OK, good sign that I just wrote "yet". I was letting myself get a bit discouraged tonight. The next drill was skating around in a line and getting timed on one lap. I was 5th or 6th in line, and dropped out before my chance to be timed. I just couldn't keep up.

But, you know, I showed up. And I spent the time that I couldn't do the drills skating in the middle or working with Judgemental on my cross-overs.

And as much as I don't want to acknowledge it, my lower back/tailbone is bothering me a bit. I really didn't want to, but I had to sit down a couple of times tonight to relax the muscles. I think I might need to skate in the clockwise direction a little bit to balance myself out.

I have to remember it's my first week and I'm comparing myself to a large group of experienced skaters. I know what I'm capable of when I train hard, and despite my lack of participation tonight, I *know* that I will be good at this someday.