Tell us how you're really feeling

I am really happy for all of the new fresh meat girls. Really, I am. I think it's so cool that there are so many girls interested in derby and a lot of good skaters.

But I am also insanely jealous. I've been trying to fight it, I tell you. Jealousy is an ugly emotion and has never served me well in the past. It was almost easier when I thought I would be out for 3 months. Like I missed try-outs by a long shot, and I might be ready for the next time or the next time.

But now I want in. Very, very badly. And it sucks because I missed the last bout and I'm probably going to miss the next bout because I'm going to freaking Orlando for work. I'm feeling a little distance from the league right now so I think I'm going to go to watch the scrimmage on Wednesday.

It's not helping my mood that I'm getting winded walking laundry up and down the stairs. Like my trainer reminded me, the heart is just one more muscle with memory that we need to get back in shape.

Why does this seem further away right now than it did in February before I even strapped on skates? Maybe now I know what I'm up against, including my out of shape body and the plethora of amazing skaters out there.

OK, fine. So maybe I need some mood elevating exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Boohooing and whining does not a derby girl make.